I hate bras
If there are any easily embarassed guys reading this, you probably ought to stop.
I'm talking boobs here. Boobs and bras.
I hate bras. They hurt. They never fit right. They rub under the armpit, cut under the boobs. They're under-engineered and overpriced.
There is so much profit in bras, and women find them so uncomfortable that Nextten took out a full page ad in a recent issue of Newsweek Magazine to market its Sassybax Torso Trim and Sassybax Bralettes via a 1-800 number or from its web site, www.nextten.com.
It sounds sort of like buying one of those CDs that are "unavailable in stores" and feature artists you've never heard of singing songs you've heard far too many times.
But back to bras.
The Nextten Sassybax Torso Trim is available for two payments of $34.95 - or in one easy payment of $69.95, plus shipping and handling.
That's for one bra.
From the picture in the ad, the Sassybax seems to go from the shoulders to at least the waist to "smooth and soften any unsightly back bulges."
The ad doesn't mention what happens to the bulges once they're "softened and smoothed."
Do they just become part of the bulge around your waist? After all, the flesh has to go somewhere.
By the way, the headline on the ad is "World's most comfortable bra eliminates bra bulge and makes you look 10 pounds thinner - Bra-vo!"
Bra-vo!
That's what made me stop. Look. Read.
I was so tempted by the "world's most comfortable bra" and "eliminates bra bulge" that I almost dialed 1-800 TakeMyMoneyPlease to buy several.
But I restrained myself.
It was hard. I've become so bra-sensitive that I've ordered them from Dream Products, Nordstrom, JCPenney's, One Hanes Place. I even had a bra salesperson in Nordstrom "fit" me.
But she wanted me to buy some underwire torture contraption that made me look far more buxom than I am. So I passed on that particular bra.
Besides, it wasn't all that comfortable.
And it cost $40.
A couple of the bras I've ordered online actually are comfortable, but have no ... well ... lift.
I need lift.
Or at least sag prevention.
I'm talking boobs here. Boobs and bras.
I hate bras. They hurt. They never fit right. They rub under the armpit, cut under the boobs. They're under-engineered and overpriced.
There is so much profit in bras, and women find them so uncomfortable that Nextten took out a full page ad in a recent issue of Newsweek Magazine to market its Sassybax Torso Trim and Sassybax Bralettes via a 1-800 number or from its web site, www.nextten.com.
It sounds sort of like buying one of those CDs that are "unavailable in stores" and feature artists you've never heard of singing songs you've heard far too many times.
But back to bras.
The Nextten Sassybax Torso Trim is available for two payments of $34.95 - or in one easy payment of $69.95, plus shipping and handling.
That's for one bra.
From the picture in the ad, the Sassybax seems to go from the shoulders to at least the waist to "smooth and soften any unsightly back bulges."
The ad doesn't mention what happens to the bulges once they're "softened and smoothed."
Do they just become part of the bulge around your waist? After all, the flesh has to go somewhere.
By the way, the headline on the ad is "World's most comfortable bra eliminates bra bulge and makes you look 10 pounds thinner - Bra-vo!"
Bra-vo!
That's what made me stop. Look. Read.
I was so tempted by the "world's most comfortable bra" and "eliminates bra bulge" that I almost dialed 1-800 TakeMyMoneyPlease to buy several.
But I restrained myself.
It was hard. I've become so bra-sensitive that I've ordered them from Dream Products, Nordstrom, JCPenney's, One Hanes Place. I even had a bra salesperson in Nordstrom "fit" me.
But she wanted me to buy some underwire torture contraption that made me look far more buxom than I am. So I passed on that particular bra.
Besides, it wasn't all that comfortable.
And it cost $40.
A couple of the bras I've ordered online actually are comfortable, but have no ... well ... lift.
I need lift.
Or at least sag prevention.
Boy, I agree with you on the torture of bras. And of course, it was a man who came up with the contraption to torture us women with!!!! I miss your columns from the newspaper. But I am happy to keep up with you online now.Thanks for keeping me entertained!!!!
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Hi, great article. Can I post this article on my site ihatebras.info? Or can you submit a new article for us on why you hate bras? Thanks so much, and I love your blog.
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I did order the Sassybax and like it except that you have to wear the "headlight covers" and it goes too far under the arms, so it feels like it's cutting me under my arms - it is not tight, but I'm just not used to having a bra go that far over under my arms. I guess it's supposed to hold in that front of the underarm bulge???
I have bought so many bras...and hate them all. They slide up on me and I am constantly pulling them down in the front and the hooks and areas around the hooks scratch my back. Does anyone make a "cover" for the hook area? I have a brand new $60 bra on right now and the seam near the hooks is killing me!!
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I spent 60 bucks on a bra once... it makes me look great - puts them right out there (and I have a lot). And it is damn uncomfortable! The extra flab gets pushed up under the arm pits (NOW you know!) Yeah, the ones that are comfy have NO lift - that's probably why they are comfy. Maybe there should be an X prize for a truly comfortable bra that looks good. Millions would surely be made...
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A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!
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I also hate bras, I just call them devices of torture! And the sweat problem, rashes from the sweat and bras or lack thereof. I want to invent a bra with charcoal absorbent material and no damn bones just gentle softness and not tight, so what if they jiggle I'm too old and tired to give a damn!
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