No gold watch. No plaque.

Just, "Your position has been eliminated."

Five words ended a relationship that had lasted just months short of 20 years.

I had become a victim of the changing face of the newspaper business.

Fortunately, I could retire.

Until that moment earlier this year, retirement had seemed a distant mirage, one that offered the blissful absence of a job that had lost its allure.

As I left the Tampa Tribune building after being laid off, the relief was overwhelming.

The fact that retirement also came with new challenges and opportunities didn't occur to me until a few weeks later.

Whoa! 

Even while yearning for retirement, I had not done one thing - financially, emotionally or psychologically - for the day my traditional work life ended.

The reality of life without a 9-to-5 framework - and without the comfortable paycheck - was somewhat sobering, particularly when I came to realize that I had subconsciously foiled any of my own feeble attempts to prepare for retirement as the day neared.

Was it denial? An inability to concede my age? The fear that after years of having my picture in the newspaper the absence of that public face would translate into a loss of identity? Or was it plain stupidity?

Probably all of the above.

In any case, six months into my new life, I'm still trying to figure out what to do and how to do it. The epiphany that I must have thought would enlighten me never struck.

The U.S. Census Bureau estimates that about 6,000 Americans turn 65 every day. Many of them have already retired or are planning to do so soon.

I just turned 66 this month, so I'm in good company.

Where am I?

But I feel disoriented. Without focus.

Is this common? What do you do about it?

What do you do about the subconscious mandate to "get things done" that still frames each day?

Will that ever go away? Should it?

Even with that little bit of conscience nagging at me, the garage is still a mess, the quilts are still unmade, the office a disaster area, and I've played 10,000 games of free cell solitaire on the computer.

All the things I had delayed until the day I "had time" to do them are taunting me now. I do have the time - but no motivation.

Yes, I know. I'm supposed to volunteer or go back to school or take a cruise or join the Peace Corps.

After all, it's Dennis Hopper, of Easy Rider fame, telling me on behalf of a company that sells financial instruments that modern retirement has nothing to do with withdrawing from the world.

Still, I have no passion to do much of anything.

Maybe I need more Zoloft. Or more to do.

Yes, I've visited the Web sites giving advice, information, direction:

I could play bridge, go to swing dances, learn a foreign language.

Taking Up Time 

Actually, it isn't as if I do nothing. I have a part-time position as the community liaison for the Animal Coalition of Tampa, a small nonprofit group that operates a low-cost spay/neuter clinic in Tampa.

Freelance writing takes up some time, as well, as does a blog of my own and contributions to the area blog, Sticks of Fire.

There are also three children, their spouses and five grandchildren whose lives I am privileged to be part of.

I'm not whining. I have a great deal to be thankful for, including a severance package, a pension, Social Security, Medicare. I have affordable retiree health benefits with prescription drug coverage.

Money may be a problem down the road. Now, things are manageable.

I am able to pay the mortgage, property taxes and homeowners and flood insurance for my little 1,200-square-foot house on a canal in northeast St. Petersburg.

And I pared down many household expenses when I was laid off: I cut out the cleaning service. I significantly reduced the expense of cable, Internet Service Provider and telephone by opting to have one company provide all three.

I axed most of the premium cable channels, and most magazine subscriptions were allowed to lapse as well. Premium coffee became history, too. And the prescriptions are filled, when possible, with generic drugs.

Even so, the impact of reality - financial and otherwise - is dizzying.

It's as if after a great deal of anticipation and a long, long trip, I've ended up in a foreign country where I don't know the language, the customs, the culture or the currency.

What works for you?

My situation may be considered a cautionary tale for those of you who still have time to prepare for the changes that accompany retirement.

For those at the same stop as mine along life's highway, I'm sure my story is not so different from yours.

I can't be the only one having trouble coping with something I looked forward to all my work life. If I am, please let me know how to become a more successful retiree.

If I'm not, let's talk about how to add some luster to the so-called Golden Years. The St. Petersburg Times' Life Times section is providing an opportunity for a conversation about retirement. This column is an introduction and an invitation for you to share your experiences, your mistakes, your successes.

Tell us how you have managed - or failed - to conquer the new world.